Competency trial for ayres begins TODAY at 9am.

The competency trial for ayres begins TODAY at 9am.

The subhuman, william hamilton ayres will stand trial starting today. The subhuman’s defense attorney has asked for a trial to determine whether or not william ayres is competent to assist in his own defense in his retrial for many counts of molesting young boys under his “care” as an alleged child psychiatrist. The molester ayres was the one time president of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, an organization which apparently takes little or no interest in vetting its members, as complaints about ayres started early, and were promptly ignored by officials.

The subhuman’s defense attorney is pulling his usual delay stunts, hoping to hold off the actual molestation trial for as long as possible, either until the molester dies, or his victims all succumb to the pain and frustration of being continually in limbo and either drop out of the trial, due to mental trauma, severe disruption of their ability to function productively, or God forbid, succumb to even worse fates.

Lord knows, victims of childhood sexual abuse need some kind of mental health repair, but I hope you’ll understand why at least some of ayres’ many victims would rather help bury shrinks than actually have a conversation with one.

Meanwhile, william hamilton ayres has already been found competent to stand trial by the two court appointed head shrinkers assigned to evaluate him.

The question of the week is:

After Jonathan McDougall, the alleged psychiatrist’s defense attorney, wrings his hands and grandstands with motions for a while, will he actually waste the taxpayer’s money on a competency trial, or will he just turn tits-up, like a prissy little twit -- as he did with the Robert Youshock competency delay stunt?
 
I watched all last week for heads up news of the trial, and there was nary a word until this morning, when  the San Mateo Daily Journal did finally publish this. I guess they decided they needed to write something after scraping this blog several times over the weekend and found not a peep.)
 
Meh.
 
 
Last Friday I mentioned Bill Zeller. He was a apparently a talented programmer, and also an extraordinary writer, at least he was in his suicide note. I didn’t post the link to his suicide note, because I’m very afraid that one of us victims of ayres will read it and take it as a nod to go ahead… I really hesitated to even mention the note. Having said that, Bill's note makes it clear that he was a force to be reckoned with, and it's unfortunate  that he felt such pressure to leave us.

Here was my take on the note:

I read it, and was very devastated, but somehow in a positive way. The fears and actions, reasons that he behaved the way he did are mostly very familiar to me. His abuse was extreme. If you read about childhood sexual abuse, you will see that these are all well documented and a common range of experiences from all of us. But reading it in a psych treaties, and hearing it from someone else who suffered from it are a world apart; feeling that no one really “gets” our mindset is very difficult, so it IS helpful to read from someone who CLEARLY did. His discussion about the "wait" and not wanting to wake up the next morning, and of being  something of a robot, the omnipresence, social discomfort, and being repelled by physical contact... all of them hit home. I've wanted to write about them in the past, but they are too painful. Bill succeeded here, in flying colors.

There are some things that Bill talks about that don’t resonate with me particularly the last half of the letter when he discusses his family and religion, he doesn’t say where his abuse came from, but it seems that it may have been from some church contact. In any case, those are the details unique to his experience, and I won't detract from them.

He also doesn’t talk about the impacts that relate to marriage and children. It doesn’t appear that he was married or had children. I firmly believe that we begin to deal with the reality of our childhood sexual abuse in a big way when events happen in our lives that force us to face the terror and the warped world perspective we developed as children. Marriage and having a child are two of these.

Imagine beginning to fear that you’re going to be a child molester too, because of what you’ve experienced as a child, and were silent and guilty about. Imagine not wanting to have children because you’re afraid of what might become of you, and yet, you have no way to express the fear to your wife, because you’ve been silent, when you should have told her before you were even dating, so that she’d know the hell you’d be putting her through.

After you make it the first few years of having a child and realize that you’re not going to turn into a molester, then you start to realize that you’ve got a child to protect. And that’s when things REALLY start to fall apart.

At any rate, Bill’s note struck me because he didn’t seek help, and really, neither will I. Probably for different reasons - I don’t know where his abuse came from, but as time goes on, I have less and less faith in psychiatry. It’s just too much power for a person to have, and too easy to abuse.

I’m not going to post the link to his note, but if you know how to use google, you’ll be able to find it. Don’t go there if you’re one of us, and you’re suicidal at the moment.

I’m not attending the ayres competency trial. At least not for today, so if you do, please feel free to update us. Comment moderation is turned on, I'll try to get to it ASAP, though.