Thursday, April 30, 2009

Day in Court: a Fantasia

The characters in this story are utterly fictional, and have absolutely no relation to real characters, whether they should be living or dead.

The Cast:
Criminal Court Judge: The Honorable Sidney Lumet
Prosecutor: Moira McDermott
Defense Attorney: Addle Gehirnberg
Defendant: Billy Schwein
Defendant's Wife: Svea Schwein
A Famous Producer: Razzle Sparkle
A Close Personal Friend of Billy Schwein: Etha Byron

The Setting: A courtroom in Sempervirens City, California

[Sound Effects]: The sound dies down as a court official stands up to address the courtroom.

[Clerk]: Line 34 in the matter of Billy Schwein

[Stage Direction]: Prosecutor McDermott moves to stand at the table. Defense Attorney Addle Gehirnberg moves to the defendant's stand, and defendant Billy Schwein, the once famed head of the Children's Mental Health Association, and who now stands accused of molesting the children entrusted to him, begins to move from the back of the courtroom to the defendant's stand. The light glints off of his shiny new walker, and Billy grips the handles in an attempt to work in a well-worn look and feel. He looks curiously at the relatively un-scuffed feet of the walker, and wonders if there's something that he can do to make it glide across the floor, rather than scrape and hop on the rubberized feet.

[Moira McDermott]: Moira McDermott for the people your honor.

[Addle Gehirnberg]: Good morning your honor.
[Stage Direction]: Addle preens and primps, making no visible changes to his appearance, and then fumbles out some unintelligible words of measure about being in the presence of the judge.

[The Honorable Sidney Lumet]: Mr Gehirnberg has filed a motion to continue the trial date and the district attorney has filed an opposition; we have your written statements, is there anything else you'd like to add Mr. Gehirnberg?

[Stage Direction]: Addle fumbles with paperwork, and um's and ah's his way through a few false starts at his preamble.
[Addle Gehirnberg]: I, I, I do your honor.
[Stage Direction]: Addle proceeds to mumble and speechify about a myriad of unrelated incidentals working up to his attempt to explain why he has not been preparing for the Schwein trial for the last few weeks since he closed his arguments in the trial of the famous music producer Razzle Sparkle, while the jury was interminably debating the case. (Or for the two years since his client, Mr. Schwein was arrested, for that matter...)
[Addle Gehirnberg]: First of all, uh, with uh, respect to the uh, some of the uh, things that uh I uh feel uh now should have perhaps been done uh earlier.

[Stage Direction]: Addle drones on for a bit, while preparing to deliver a convoluted string of dates in an attempt to show what he's been saying all along: that he really isn't that good at anticipating the duration of his own defense presentation.
[Addle Gehirnberg]: As of July 24th, 2008 , I had already as of May 22nd 2008, been assigned to a trial in Tinsel City...
[Stage Direction]: Addle pauses to look around the room with that knowing look that one gives to indicate that they're involved in very important matters indeed!
[Sound Effects]: Silence, then the brief chirp of a single cricket.
[Stage Direction]: Deflated, Addle continues with his speech.
[Addle Gehirnberg]: We set the January 2009 trial date in the Schwein case with the understanding that it might have to be postponed. Through no fault of the defense, the Sparkle trial did not conclude until April 13th!

[Stage Direction]: As Addle continues to argue the specifics about dates and times, we cut away for intermission. At the beginning of the next segment, we find Addle still preparing to come to the point about his inability to manage his time in finding expert witnesses.

[Addle Gehirnberg]: It was only two days ago that we were told that there would be a Child Sexual Foundation, Sexual Abuse Foundation Syndrome, expert I'm asking for 3 Weeks. I don't think anyone would be adversely affected with a 3 week postponement.

[Stage Direction]: The Honorable Sidney Lumet directs his gaze to the Prosecutor waiting for her comments.

[Moira McDermott]: We would like the trial to proceed on May 11th ! There are numerous people on this case who have planned their schedules around this date.

[Stage Direction]: The prosecutor briefly outlines the opportunities that the defense attorney should have taken advantage of to meet his prior commitments to the court and to the people of Sempervirens City.

[Moira McDermott]: There is plenty of time for Gehirnberg to attend to those matters. The victims...
[Stage Direction]: Noisily, and abruptly, after hearing the word "victim" Mrs. Schwein interrupts the prosecutor.
[Svea Schwein]: Snort!
[Stage Direction]: Not noticing Mrs. Schwein's snort, the prosecutor continues...
[Moira McDermott]: the victims in this case deserve to have their trial.

[Stage Direction]: Cut to an aside:
[Svea Schwein, whispering under her breath]: I can't find my lipstick! All I have in my purse is "Demur" by Yves San Lawrence, I can't wear that!!! I can't find my usual bright red "HussyBeacon" that I get in bulk 30 packs at PriceCompany! [louder now] Where's my lipstick? Snort, Oink!
[Stage Direction]: A peculiar and unpleasant odor emanates from the back row of the courtroom.

[Stage Direction]: The judge gazes patiently at the defense attorney waiting for his response to the prosecutor.

[Addle Gehirnberg]: I'm still reaching out to experts [eyes roll and giggles are heard from the public seating area], so that I can prepare for trial. No single witness could have possibly known when their testimony was needed.

[The Honorable Sidney Lumet]: To the extent that the attorney is charged with adequately representing his client, Under the circumstances I will agree to a continuance to June 1st, BUT, it WILL be June the First...

[Addle Gehirnberg, rudely interrupting the judge]: I have no doubt about that your honor!

[The Honorable Sidney Lumet]: I WILL be in this courtroom, and It WILL be June the first...

[Addle Gehirnberg, again interrupting the judge]: We will be in this courtroom your honor absolutely, without a question .

[Stage Direction]: At this point Addle uncrosses his fingers and toes, as Billy Schwein shuffles conspicuously back to stand by the door, next to his wife, Mrs. Schwein. Billy Schwein has a pensive look on his face as he thinks about the fact that his wife is looking disheveled and emaciated of late, and that she's going to have to make a better effort if he's going to be able to use her to prop up his image during the trial, if they ever have it... Maybe he should have divorced her long ago, and married his doctor friend Etha Byron, she understands his "needs" even better than Svea does!

[Props and Effects]: The screen fades to black.
TAGS: Dr. William Hamilton Ayres, MD Solveig Ayres, William H. Ayres, Dr William H. Ayres MD, pedophile child molester president American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,Peninsula Psychiatric Associates, Solveig Troxel, Etta Bryant, Dr. Etta C. Bryant, Dr Etta Bryant MD, Melissa McKowan, Phil Spector, Dorn Weinberg


  1. Very funny. I especially like the part where Addle Gehirnberg looks around to see if anyone is impressed that he represented the razzle dazzle music producer in Tinsel Town - and that no one seemed impressed.

    Good work !!!

  2. Well written, I hope we can get updates as informative as this when the trial begins on JUNE 1! Yes caps is shouting......but let's hope it really does happen on JUNE 1!

    Maybe someone can mail those tennis balls for the walker!

    Shiny and new.....I wonder who put it together? I never can read the directions for those contraptions, but hope all bolts are secure to hold the weight of tubby....

    Etha is probably home baking him some muffins.....

  3. I'm pretty sure that Billy Schwein doesn't care much for muffins.

  4. I like this story from the County Times very much:

    From San Mateo County Times:

    The Insider: Dr. Ayres gets three-week trial delay
    Posted: 04/24/2009 06:34:34 PM PDT
    Updated: 04/24/2009 07:29:15 PM PDT

    EVERYONE'S favorite child psychiatrist, Dr. William Ayres, has been granted a three-week delay to the start of his trial because of his attorney's busy schedule.

    Doron Weinberg, who represented music producer Phil Spector in his recent murder trial, told a San Mateo County Superior Court judge this week that he'd originally expected Spector's trial to wrap up in mid-February. Instead, a verdict wasn't returned until April 13, and Spector is scheduled to be sentenced May 29.

    County prosecutors objected to the request for the delay, saying they had already scheduled witnesses to testify in the trial, which had been set to begin May 11.

    One of Ayres' accusers, who showed up in court, said he was "pretty upset," given the many delays to the start of the trial.

    "I think its going to go away without a trial," he said. "They are going to delay it until he's dead."

    Well, the good news for those who want to see Ayres put away — after being linked to sexual abuse of multiple children — is that Weinberg may be the first lawyer in recent history to fail to get an acquittal for a famous client who's been accused of a heinous crime in a Southern California.

    O.J. walked, and so did Michael Jackson. Even Robert Blake beat his murder solicitation rap.

    So the fact that a jury found Spector guilty of second-degree murder means one of three things:

    # Phil Spector was too wacky for
    a Los Angeles jury, which is no easy feat.

    # Spector was not famous enough to impress a Los Angeles jury.

    # Doron Weinberg isn't the best defense attorney in the world.

    For those who want to see Ayres behind bars, option No. 3 has to be encouraging.

  5. I definitely pick item #3! Doron makes people dislike him therefore transferring the dislike to his client.

    In shrink talk it's called transference........

    Besides Doron's defense will be weak no matter what.....

  6. LMAO! That photo of Mrs. Schwein is exactly the one on her drivers license, she hasn't changed one bit.......even though she doesn't drive.....

    LAMO is a term I use with my nephew when we text....translation, laughing my a** off......

    OMG, you should write this as play!

  7. If only we knew a budding young-ish director to direct the play....

  8. A prior Anonymous poster said: "Maybe someone can mail those tennis balls for the walker!"

    OK. Check... Adding: "MAIL PAIR OF BALLS TO MR. SCHWEIN" to my to-do list.

  9. Actually, Do you think maybe they should be mailed to Addle Gehirnberg?

  10. Now the Ayres case is being discussed on the Phil spector "In Session"Message boards.

    Sample from Dianna:

    I read that Doron Weinberg had a hearing in respect to his "Child molester" client and he put it off and blamed it on his "Phil kills Lana" case.

    He's just a bad lawyer all together and is struggling with his defense like he did with Phil...
    Perhaps he's not the apple of their eye anymore since this verdict came down. Remember, he was at the "Peek" of his career.:rolleyes:

  11. Link to Phil Spector In Session message boards:

  12. Hey william ayres: Don't the walker as prop is gonna work. Legal experts say it cannot be on view when the jury is in the room.

  13. Meant to say "Don't think the walker as prop is gonna work."

  14. If anything the walker proves a HUGE amount of time going by has contributed to the defendant's down hill slide, first kinda walking, then only with a cane, now with walker, anymore delays and they will roll in him into the court room on a stretcher! April 2007 to June dog years he is getting seriously old!

  15. I know people far older than Ayres, who are in their late 80s who are in much better shape, and able to swim a mile,and play tennis.

    Ayres has never taken care of himself. For years he's looked like a shifty, creepy Santa Claus. As a doctor, why hasn't he taken better care of himself?
    Perhaps he is eating because he is unhappy with his lot in life. That's his wife's take on fat people anyway, according to a blog comment she made last year.

    By the way, he had the cane in the courtroom back in 2005 for the civil trial and everybody was talking about how it was a prop.

  16. Kudos to the creator of williamayreswatch.blogspot for this blog, which has helped many victims of william ayres, and made them feel less alone.

  17. Sprocket Blog - nominated as one of the best true crime blogs, has a post on Dr. Ayres:

  18. The DA's office expects the trial to last TWO MONTHS. Ludicrous. Where does Ayres get the money for this?

    Guess this means Solveig and Billy won't be making the trek up to Oregon to catch some plays this summer. Maybe Solveig can blog about the trial instead.

  19. Thanks for everyone's kind comments, often times writing this blog takes a pretty good chunk out of my soul... I'd rather not face any of it.

    Thanks also for the tips on newspaper articles and blogs:

    I thought the article at the San Mateo County Times was really pretty great... Refreshing. I think the press often struggles with being neutral, this was a refreshingly tongue-in-cheek article without really giving up that journalistic neutrality...great job. It was a bright spot in a dark week.

    The blog entry on Trials & Tribulations was also good.

  20. Required reading for Solveig Ayres:

    "Sleeping With a Stranger: How I Survived a Marriage to a Child Molester", by Patricia Wiklund, Ph.D.

    Wiklund is a therapist and had a practice with her husband, a therapist who turned out to be a child molester.